By Julia Szvath
Have you ever had the feeling that something is missing from your life? Something important is lingering at the edge of your consciousness but you just can’t grab it? Feeling so confused, nobody really understands what you need and want, not even yourself. And day by day this unsettling feeling grows stronger and stronger until you want to scream, ENOUGH! But, deep inside, you know you have to find the answers yourself. It is challenging, sometimes, to listen to our inner truth and see the bigger picture without being engaged in the everyday drama of our lives. We are caught up in the necessities we have to do to keep our lives on track, even if that track is no longer the right one for us.
So, what should we do? I wasn’t sure, but I knew that getting some distance away from everything might be a useful way of finding out. A retreat from our busy self, a retreat from our confusion, a retreat to silence, to nature, back to our physical bodies and to that inner wisdom that is always with us.
So, I hopped on a plane to Hawaii (Maui), something I wanted to do for a long time but never had the courage to make happen. But this time I trusted and knew, without understanding, that it was the right thing to do. Not only for myself but for others I love. I booked a healing retreat because I felt that some help might be handy after all, while I was out searching for that ‘something.’ I asked for guidance and it arrived in the form of a great woman who gently navigated me through my first days wandering in the unknown.
As soon as I arrive, the land welcomes me home and I know that I have come to the right place. The warmth of the sun and the nurturing ocean slowly opens my rigid and cold body after a long Winter. With gentle movement, yoga and dance, I slowly awaken the cells of my physical body and start to feel again with all of my senses. The fresh food of the land nourishes and cleanses me; the silent walks to the sacred sites quiet my mind enough for me to begin to hear my inner voice again. And healing comes in many different shapes and forms, always guiding me as I stay and drop deeper into the present moment. Slowly, my spirit starts to remember what I had forgotten so long ago.
No distractions allow me to take a step closer to myself. I slowly feel connected again to the earth and all living beings, but mostly to myself. I am starting to feel whole again. The past and future seem so distant as I surrender to the now and let myself be carried. Without the everyday struggle, I feel so light, like a feather carried by the wind.
And, as I give myself permission to open even more, to go deeper inside, I find clarity and understanding. Slowly, I find my strength again and start to remember my purpose, my vision and my dreams. How could I have forgotten? The fear and doubt inside slowly shrinks away and I am expanding in all directions as I embrace the long forgotten parts of myself. On the way, miracles just keep happening all the time and it feels like living a dream. Or maybe I was dreaming before and now I am awake. I don’t know, but I feel so good, so full of joy and aliveness that I overflow. I can’t contain it anymore. Finally, it pours out of me onto others. So, I return and share everything that’s in me to anyone who needs it. And because we are all one, I am really giving back to myself.
“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” ~ Rumi
