Secrets of the Tantric Lover
How tantra can expand your whole life.
By Dawn Cartwright
It is rare but not impossible to feel the erotic ebb and flow between dreams and desires. To experience, in the meeting of two bodies, the ache of joy now touched. There are those who say the experience of orgasm is a momentary death of the ego, everything that isn’t who we truly are dissolves for an instant. Pleasures surface from long forgotten depths and something new, that has always been, is born. We encounter the unmasked self and flourish in its blaze.
The Tantric Lover dedicates his or her life to extending that instant into hours and days, until love is lived, unmasked, without end.
Secrets of the tantric lover
1. Goals: The Tantric Lover is fearless, embracing the unfathomable love that arises through sex when orgasm is no longer a goal. The Tantric Lover engages in lovemaking and self-pleasure without the goal of orgasm, giving themselves the opportunity to explore pleasure, intimacy and connection with and without orgasm so that new possibilities appear in the arousal trajectory. Both men and women are more sensitive to the orgasmic response cycle when the pelvic floor is well toned and relaxed. The Tantric Lover practices pelvic floor exercises to expand arousal capacity and awareness.
2. Attraction: The Tantric Lover knows beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The Tantric Lover takes the initiative to work through old hurts and disagreements that have clouded their vision, they take responsibility for fi nding the way back to an open heart because they know a closed heart hurts them most of all. The Tantric Lover is not afraid of saying ‘no’ or setting limits when transgressions have occurred, but they don’t hold on to old baggage. The Tantric Lover maintains a sense of openness, they approach every encounter as if it’s the first time, every time.
3. Touch: The Tantric Lover listens with their body. For the Tantric Lover, lovemaking is a full body expression of love that has the potential to grow exponentially, clothes on and off. They’ve learned that pleasure is meant to expand through the body, that it doesn’t have to be limited to the genitals. The Tantric Lover is able to merge without losing themselves, listening with their whole being, they meet the beloved on every level while maintaining a loving awareness of themselves, their values and desires.
4. Generosity: The Tantric Lover is generous, planning activities they enjoy rather than filling their diary with meeting after meeting or task after task. The Tantric Lover knows the allure of todays busy world, yet chooses not to add one more stressful activity to an already full calendar. They schedule time for a healthy lunch, a walk in nature, or getting together with close friends. They set up a childcare co-op with other parents so they have child-free time each week. The Tantric Lover is consistently nourished and fulfilled in themselves, so much so, they are overflowing with generosity with those they love.
5. Confidence: The Tantric Lover knows themselves sexually. They’ve explored the vast landscape of pleasure and they’re well versed in what arouses them, brings them to the edge, takes them over it and beyond. The Tantric Lover is sexually alive. They’ve been through ups and downs in their own sexual exploration and have discovered that challenge or uncertainty in the bedroom can lead to connection and pleasure – when met with an open heart.
Keep an eye out for the next issue of Positive Life, when Dawn will explore ‘The Myth of Orgasm’.
Dawn Cartwright is a tantric visionary, sacred writer, and innovator in bio-energetic tantra fusion.