By Elva Carri
You’ve probably heard it a million times, think it sounds great and agree, but first things first, love yourself. It’s not an ‘actual place’ to meet people obviously, but it’s an important state to meet people from. What I completely missed about it for a long time is that it requires time and effort. That and I also didn’t really believe it applied to me. I like how I look, I like who I am, I like the things I stand for. In theory, I love myself. It was only recently that I realised that loving myself in theory only gets one so far. Loving another person means nothing if you don’t show it in actions, loving yourself is the same. Look at something you’re neglecting or mistreating about yourself and start taking little bits of time to cultivate this, each day or week.
1. Spend time doing things that are important to you.
Matthew Hussey is one of the most successful dating coaches in the world. I’ve watched the videos, I’ve been to the seminar. One of his best points is when he explains how so many women he works with say they want to be with a guy who loves going to museums/galleries/hiking etc. Yet when he enquires about where they go to meet men, they say bars and clubs. If you want to meet someone who loves hiking – go hiking! Join a hiking club, and keep going, and go on hiking holidays and join an online forum for hiking fanatics to discuss boots.
2. There are people everywhere.
Unless you live in an incredibly isolated area, there are people around you all the time. Perhaps they aren’t all your ideal partner, but start smiling or chatting. Step outside of your comfort zone by the smallest amount. If you don’t ever look at people, take a look. If you never smile, smile at a few people. If you see someone regularly and always say hello, take it a step further and say “Hi. How are you?” Connecting with people you don’t know, just a little bit, makes it easier and less scary to eventually say hello to that hottie that appears one day out of nowhere. When he/she does, maybe ask for some advice on whether to get a Mars or a Snickers in the supermarket queue. Full disclosure: I am amazing at doing this with people I don’t find attractive, but put me next to a hottie and I lose the power of speech entirely. However, I have handed out notes, shaking like a leaf but where there’s a will there’s a way.
3. Organise something that makes it comfortable to create a slightly bigger social circle than your normal gang.
In GirlCrew, a crazy little friendship group for women that I run, we organise mixed pool tournaments from time to time. Everyone is required to bring someone of the opposite sex and it’s a great excuse to say to a crush, “Hey, I really want to go to this pool tournament/games night/ whatever but I need a partner or I can’t go. Any chance you’re free?” By organising the place and the activity, it means you also get to do something you enjoy and feel superb in the midst of.
Elva Carri is the editor of Positive Life as well as being the founder of GirlCrew, an online and offline social network for women all over the world to get out and have more fun. she has been on a lot of dates. girlcrew.rocks
This is taken from our autumn 2015 issue. Subscribe to have the next four issues delivered in print, direct to your door.