Here is a sneak peek of an article in our new Spring issue, written by one of our wonderful regular contributors, Amanda Collins. Here, she discusses the fine line between authentic service and people pleasing, and why it is important for us to learn how to say ‘no.’ You can read the full article in the Spring issue, available now from stockists around the country. You can also subscribe to receive a copy directly to your door!
by Amanda Collins
Being of service is something that should feel joyful and fulfilling. If it does not, that is a clear sign that your motive may be to please someone, not to truly serve. Being of service feeds our soul, while people pleasing depletes us.
When you are being of service, your actions are authentic and nourish you. You know that you are making a difference in someone’s life. You know that you are creating kindness and spreading goodness.
But when you find yourself driving to someone’s home to deliver a meal, or walking someone’s dog, or doing whatever favour you have offered to do, and you begin to feel resentful, even angry, then you are probably motivated by people pleasing. Your motive is negative and so is the energy you bring to the task.
People pleasing depletes us because we are giving away our power. Here are some questions to ask yourself when you feel that your intention and motive might be people pleasing:
- Am I acting out of a lack of self-love?
- Am I doing this because I lack self-esteem or feelings of self-worth?
- Am I worried about what this person will think of me if I say “no”?
- Do I think this person will love and accept me for doing this favour?
- Do I respect my own boundaries while doing this?
- Am I seeking personal validation as a good person while doing this?
If you discover yourself to be a people pleaser, exhausted by constantly saying “yes” to others, you may want to look for the sources of your behaviour in your childhood conditioning.