What’s driving us, really? Sex or Love? Part 1
Sexual chemistry is a heart-racing, endorphin-rich experience that heightens our senses and sets our body on fire. It can happen instantaneously or grow slowly over time. Either way, it’s an all encompassing feeling that gives us a glimpse of our capacity for love.
When we experience sexual chemistry, we enter a state of euphoria. We no longer make love, we are love. Our heart opens, to everyone, not just the person we’re feeling chemistry with. We notice ourselves feeling connected to everyone and everything, everywhere, all the time. Suddenly life makes perfect sense, all of it. We feel like Einstein himself. Problems vanish, insurmountable barriers dissolve, trust reappears. We feel invincible, strong, accepting and inspired to give, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, transparent and accountable. Our pulse quickens, our body opens, our eyes twinkle. There’s nothing like feeling attracted to make us attractive. Compassion happens. There’s a sense of spaciousness that arises whenever we feel sexual chemistry. This spaciousness opens the door to understanding and deep appreciation. We come ALIVE.
This kind of attraction can feel extraordinary if our relationship with our sexuality is positive. If not, excitement and attraction can quickly be replaced with pain and feelings of isolation. Instead of opening, we And ourselves closing.
Sense of Self
You’ve probably noticed you’re more likely to feel sexual chemistry when you feel good about yourself, and less likely to feel feelings of attraction when you do not. There’s a reason. The sexual centre and the centre of self are located in the same region of the body – just below the navel. Our sexual feelings are closely linked to our sense of who we are.
As babies, we explored our bodies with great enthusiasm, discovering our fingers and toes, falling madly in love in the process. The love affair reached astronomical proportions the day we discovered our genitals. Those early explorations, fuelled by sexual curiosity, were an important first step in learning about who we are and establishing our sense of self.
As we grew older, self-exploration became private, and we learned to manage our sexual feelings. If our transition from spontaneity to conformity was loving, we developed a healthy sense of self and a healthy sexuality – our belly remained open and free. If our transition happened in a way that was less than loving, our sense of self suffered – our belly became tense and closed.
Love of Self
When you look at it all this way, sexual chemistry becomes a lot less about sex and a lot more about love – love of self. These feelings, born of instinct and emotion, give us a sense of who we are and what lies between who we are and how we see ourselves. It might just be that sexual chemistry is nature’s way of inviting us home, back to ourselves, back to love.
Remember that baby, the one besotted with himself? The secret is, he has no idea anything isn’t him – the whole universe is him. That’s how we’re meant to love. That’s how sex is supposed to feel. It’s Union. It’s ours. It’s indivisible joy that is shared sometimes. It’s not a need. It’s not a demand. It isn’t limited to anything outside of us. It’s how we’re meant to feel all the time. Even right now, reading this article…
I look forward to exploring the next step: “How do we know when, how and why to enter into a sexual relationship?” in Part 2, in the next issue of Positive Life. Dawn Cartwright is a Tantric visionary, sacred writer, and innovator in bio-energetic Tantra fusion.