The Politics of Partnership – How to Win the ‘Yes’ Vote for Love
By Olga Sheean
When Carla suspected her husband, Jon, of having an affair, she panicked. She’d been married for 14 years and, admittedly, their relationship had flat-lined. She wasn’t even sure she still loved him, but she wasn’t going to let some other young thing take him away from her… and who would pay the mortgage if that happened? So, she embarked on a campaign to win him back. She bought sexy lingerie, cooked his favourite meals, and took an interest in his work. She even ironed his socks. But it didn’t work. One month later, Jon asked for a divorce. Turned out he didn’t have another woman in his life; he’d just lost interest in the one he had.
When relationships become so ‘domesticated’ that we try to fix them with an even bigger dose of domesticity, it’s a sure sign that the spark has gone. As every politician knows, a successful campaign must cater to the values, mindset and ethics of its target audience. So, if we’re trying to win the ‘yes’ vote in love, we must get to know the hearts and minds of our ‘constituents.’
To be successful in the long term, however, we must be genuine and heartfelt, guided by love, and committed to cultivating mutual trust and respect. Yet, we often distort ourselves, hiding the parts we don’t like and catering to what we think the other person wants in the hope of avoiding rejection. Unless we can demonstrate and embody the acceptance that we’re trying to get from our partner, our relationships will flounder.
Healthy self-acceptance is one of the most powerful natural aphrodisiacs on the planet. It may not seem like a very sexy trait, but it’s the key to true intimacy, emotional freedom and sexual passion. When the ‘honeymoon period’ is over, the fabric of a relationship becomes clear. Without a strong foundation of love, acceptance, trust and respect, sex is rarely meaningful or lasting. In the absence of solid self-acceptance, we can become needy, dependent, jealous, resentful and insecure, unable to fully express our feelings, retain our sense of self, make healthy boundaries or truly love another. Like the hidden agenda that ultimately brings dishonest politicians to their knees, a lack of healthy self-acceptance in relationships leads to mind games, survival strategies and an erosion of our potential for passion.
The good news is that, unlike other aphrodisiacs, self-acceptance can be administered in massive doses, every hour of every day, with no ill effects. You can never have too much of it. When we have strong self-acceptance, we’re confident in our abilities and value; we’re honest about our feelings and we express our opinions; we feed our creativity and take time out for friends and exercise; we take care of our own needs and take responsibility for our behaviour; and we’re open to receiving and allowing others to love and support us. As a result, we can connect with ourselves and our partners, sharing, exploring and discovering ourselves at the deepest, most intimate level.
This is the kind of long-term policy that brings increasing rewards and consistently favourable ratings. Taking care of our own needs so that we can freely, lovingly choose our partner, rather than needing him or her (which always backfires), is the most powerful pathway to passion…not to mention long-term domestic bliss. It also fosters happy families, reduces healthcare costs, promotes longevity, enhances self-esteem, boosts morale, builds integrity, inspires innovation and creativity, cultivates respect and commitment, and makes us feel good about ourselves. It’s not just a radical recipe for relationships; it’s a winning formula for leaders everywhere – in love, in life and in politics.
Olga Sheean is an author and personal empowerment coach who teaches a unique system of self-mastery designed to put you back in charge of your life. www.olgasheean.com
