Ayahuasca in the Amazon by By Julia Szvath
A few months ago, I had a very strong intuition to go to the Peruvian Amazon rainforest to participate in a program called Amazon Avatar Expedition. The focus of our training was to use a combination of 5 different plant medicines that grow in the Amazon rainforest. Our intention for using these plant medicines was to accelerate the expansion of our consciousness, and then to upload our realisations into the unified field to support the collective awakening.
My experience with the Grandmother (Ayahuasca) was like: “You want to experience expansion and explore the essence of your being? Sure, no problem. I will guide you, but first you have to go through this dark forest, which is your own shadow, and face all the darkness!” My trip through this imaginary forest contained my deepest fear of death and it was a very intense ride. When she took me on my journey, the intensity of the experience of losing control of myself and my world filled me with such an overwhelming fear that I reacted with huge resistance that made the whole journey more of a struggle. It didn’t help that the ceremony is in complete darkness, in isolation and in silence apart from the shaman singing the Ikaros – the sacred songs that guide us in our journey.
After the first ceremony, when I tried to wrap my head around what just happened to me, my mind went crazy trying to understand this experience, which is impossible because it is so far from the comprehension of the limited mind. In my case, this inner tension of the “control vs. surrender” fight ended in a complete breakdown. Literally, I felt something break inside me and I was flooded with emotions so intense that I couldn’t contain them, so they just flew out. I seriously wanted to quit the whole program. Luckily for me, I had excellent support which helped me through this phase of collapse, which turned out to be a huge breakthrough.
With the medicine opening this inner door in me, it broke the control of the mind and allowed me to reconnect with my essence, my true nature that somehow felt separated before. She taught me what it is to really surrender from the depth of my heart; to have the deepest trust that, whatever the experience, it can only bring me peace and love; to give over control, recognising that my small, limited mind is incapable of understanding a greater design.
When I was able to allow the grandmother to take me and teach me, I could see my shadow so clearly. I saw that the shadow is part of the light which is denied, pushed away from the love and the light of the heart. At that moment, I felt an intense compassion for all parts of myself that I pushed away (my fear, judgements, jealousy, anger, etc.). I was overwhelmed by deep sorrow, and I felt really deeply that I wanted all of them back, inviting them back to the love of my heart – the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.
Suddenly, I saw my radiant heart swirling green and pink light, and slowly all of my pain, suffering and limitation flowed into it and dissolved effortlessly. It was the most amazing experience. I could see how I created my pain and how everything can be healed in love and acceptance. I really experienced wholeness for the first time in my life; not just the mental knowing that we are all one and connected, but the deep feeling of the very essence of it, the very essence of me, and the very essence of creation. As my whole personality shattered, my true self was revealed behind the veil.
As I allow myself to integrate and embody the experience, I continue to realise the many blessings and fundamental transformation in my life every day. Truly, I can say that a new world (the real world) opened before me, where the wisdom of the mind is aligned fully with the love of the heart and expressed through the power of the throat.
What a mystical, magical experience.
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