Sexual Chemistry is it Real Love? Part 2
By Dawn Cartwright
When, How & Why to Enter Into a Sexual Relationship
Desire and attraction are the primordial beginnings of every shimmering sunrise, every tinkling ankle bell, every human being, every sacred moment. From the Tantric perspective, the spark of attraction is, in itself, conception – a new facet of existence birthed into being through love.
How do we enter these feelings fully? How do we know when, how and why to enter into a sexual relationship?
Open Your Heart. A sexual relationship may last a only few seconds, in a glance of recognition, or it might last a lifetime. What if all you shared was a moment looking in a window on Grafton Street? Every relationship, whether momentary or long-term, is an invitation to enter life more fully than ever before. Enjoy each moment to its fullest and let go of the outcome – open your heart.
Trust Your Body. Sexual attraction is a force of nature. Trust what you feel and let go of trying to figure out what’s next. Dive into the attraction, get closer to the experience inside yourself first, before you get into bed. Far too many of us jump into a sexual relationship too soon, leaving important parts of ourselves behind. Give the attraction time to land. Give yourself time to catch up.
Step Into the New. Sexual energy is spiritual rocket fuel. It will bring to the surface anything that’s standing in the way of you opening your heart and body 100%. Insecurities, self-judgments and past hurts are abandoned parts of ourselves that are waiting to be reclaimed. Take time to feel what arises alongside the ecstasy of the attraction. Let the past reveal its gifts – and step into the new.
Get Honest. What do you expect from a sexual relationship? What do you expect from a partner? Don’t side-step this one by claiming you have no expectations – we all have them. Take a stand for who you are. Are you looking for a casual one-time encounter? Are you looking for long-term commitment? Are you looking for affection that doesn’t include genital contact? Do you enjoy flirting? No matter who you are, no matter what you’re looking for, there are hundreds, if not thousands, looking for someone exactly like you.
Open To Possibility. Spend time with the person you’re attracted to – outside the bedroom. Not every sexual attraction is meant to be lived out between the sheets. Explore the mystery that is this other person. Imagine you’re mapping an uncharted wilderness. Be curious. Ask questions. The one you’re feeling so attracted to may end up being the lover of your dreams, the husband you’ve been waiting for, the friend you need, the colleague that’s a perfect fit for your start up. Sexual attraction is all about creativity – open to possibility.
Build A Container. Once you feel ready to take the relationship to the next level, have a conversation about exclusivity, open relationship, sexual history, STIs, birth control and what you’d each want to do if a pregnancy happened. Build a container for the type of sexual relationship the two of you wish to create. If you’ve taken your time with the other steps, nothing should come as a surprise once you’re here.
Let Go. Relax, take your time, enjoy. Be together in the ways that bring each of you joy. Make it the first time, every time.
Dawn Cartwright is a Tantric visionary, sacred writer, and innovator in bio-energetic Tantra fusion.
Read Part 1 from our Summer issue here and keep an eye out for our next issue when Dawn shares the secrets of “Creating a Tantric Lovemaking Ritual”.