The Vibes section of our magazine is always a real treat, filled with exciting news, holistic products and emerging businesses to watch out for! This edition of Vibes appeared in our Spring 2019 issue.
By Mary Berkery
Understanding Grace
Consider the word grace, what does it mean and does it have any relevance in your life? In the dictionary, grace can be defined as a seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement and form, a pleasing characteristic of refinement, a sense of propriety and a disposition to be generous, helpful, and to have goodwill.
In Greek mythology, Aglaia, Euphrosyne and Thalia, daughters of Zeus, were known as The Three Graces. The sister goddesses represented qualities of charm, beauty, and joy, beautifully expressed in Antonio Canova’s neoclassical, marble statue. They were said to bestow the world with goodwill, beauty, kindness and precious moments. From a theological aspect, grace refers to being freely given unmerited favour and blessings. Grace is also the influence of a spiritual dimension operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them. Being in a state of grace is being in a condition of high consciousness and loving-kindness.
Developing Your Personal Grace
Grace has many levels of meaning for me. My life has been graced with wonderful encounters and events. I think of times when I operated in a graceful way in my dealings with others, being thoughtful in my words and responses. I consider how I dress with care and move physically with ease and confidence. Who in your life would you consider to be graceful and where or how do you wish to embody it in your life? For some it may refer to poise and elegance, for others it could mean generosity, goodwill and blessings. Here are some areas you can bring in more grace, and ways that might help you to do so.
Grace in Thought
» Consciously take attention away from
self-criticism or judgments of ourselves
and others.
» Embody thoughts of beauty, goodwill and
kindness.
» Instead of reacting immediately in a
tense or challenging situation, prioritise
elegance in thought, as opposed to speed
in reaction. Give yourself a moment to find
grace in your thoughts, and allow this
quality to inform your words or actions.
Grace in Actions
»Trust that life will bring you through
difficult situations.
»Allow yourself time to soften into
transitions and changes in life.
»Can you bring qualities of joy, beauty,
charm and generosity into your actions?
Choose a quality related to grace and see if
you can bring it into your day to day life.
Grace in Body
» Develop awareness of your body as a
beautiful temple.
» Care for it with deep respect, nutrition and
alignment exercises.
» Choose quality clothing to enhance your
form and beauty.
“Slowly he celebrated the sacrament of letting go
First he surrendered his green
Then orange, yellow and red
Finally he let go of his brown
Shedding his last leaf
He stood empty and silent, stripped bare
leaning against the October sky
he began his long vigil of trust…”
– Anonymous
The above excerpt is from a poem that speaks deeply to me at this time of year about letting go. As you read this, trees and branches are showing their shape without the cover of foliage and it inspires me to consider the things we too can let go of, with that same level of trust.
I have been preparing to move house. It’s a total surprise how much stuff I have accumulated and how many times we have had to trek to the local second hand shop, dump and dropping things off as gifts to friends. It all brought me to the question, How much do I need to have? What can I continue to let go of? Books seem to have a habit of building in my office space. Just last year I purchased a number of bookshelves to home books that I no longer read!
Over the summer, sitting outside a favourite café where we live, two Buddhist monks walked by and to make a long story short, we ended up having a most inspiring conversation. I was in a turning point in the way I relate to my siblings and received such wonderful advice on how to stay in loving truth in relationships. But the part of this conversation that stood out the most, was their insights on that it can be easy to let go of possessions, the real task, is letting go of opinions and fixed ideas as to how things should be. That, I was assured, was the hardest practice.
This is a sneak peek, read the rest of the article in the winter 2015 issue of Positive Life. Subscribe | Stockists
Seeing the beauty of your partner.
This is a sneak peek from our autumn 2015 issue, out now. Pick one up free in one of our stockists around the country to read the full article, or subscribe to have it delivered.
By Mary Berkery
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” – C.G. Jung
Intimate relationships can be a source of much joy and much pain. So how can we constantly see the beauty in them? Perhaps you’re in a difficult time in your intimate relationship or even questioning what is it about. Perhaps there is a need to look differently as to what intimate connection is about. Being in a relationship is not only about having a companion, or forming a close partnership, it’s where connection between another is direct, unrehearsed, fresh and heart-to-heart.
Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, says in her second book, ‘Committed’, “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow, this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” Jett Psaris and Marlena S. Lyons, authors of the book, ‘Undefended Love’, say “The way that you felt about yourself when you first fell in love is the way you can feel all the time “
But how do we make these statements the reality of our relationships?
1. Like it all! Conflicts call out the beauty and at other times the beast in us! No matter how painful, there is something to learn, to integrate and transform. Problems that arise can be welcomed as opportunities to move to deeper connection. Couples consciously working on this will discover more about themselves and their partner or loved one, learn to engage with them in a deeper dialogue and discover ways to express the most profound and untamed aspects of the psyche.
This is a sneak peek from our autumn 2015 issue, out now. Pick one up free in one of our stockists around the country to read the full article, or subscribe to have it delivered.
By Mary Berkery
Self-love may have received bad press stemming from some religious concepts on love and service, as well as possibly having the negative connotations that may come from looking at it as a selfishness or being wrapped up in ourselves. We live in a world where we can see how self-interest has created division between rich and poor, influenced wars, created ecological problems as well as heartbreak in relationships and communities. We have seen too what happens when someone gives too much to others and neglects their own life. Resentment may build up progressing to burnout or illness.
The dictionary definition of self-love is, “the belief you hold that you are a valuable and worthy person. An example of self love is when you have a positive view of yourself and are confident in yourself and your place in the world.”
Faith, my mentor at a young age, often said: “Mary give from the overflow of your life. Keep your own cup filled then give from what overflows.” To a friend – Ann who gave much to her children – she would say “Ann, take care of number one, then you can truly care for your children.” Being able to say no is as important as saying yes. But how can we develop this incredibly important skill?
Exploring your essence opens you up to the magnitude of your being. Taking time to reflect and search the soulful nature of being builds intuition and assists in making courageous life decisions. When you explore your deep self, it can take you on a learning journey, letting go of limiting belief patterns and embracing new thoughts, feelings and passions.
My life coach gave me an exercise recently, to pen a list of my achievements, starting at age 0-5, then 5-10 and so on. He asked me not to censor, but to write what comes to mind. I was especially touched to see what I achieved at tough times in life. It’s a good exercise for silencing the inner critic too!
Gardening, singing, cycling, playing with kids, being with horses, having a massage, being a good friend to others, hosting dinner parties, quality time with my love and solitary time with self are a few that are on my list. When your list is complete, make sure to input them into your daily/ weekly/monthly life.
This is quality time for practicing self-love. Do not get busy texting or viewing Facebook. Listen to your favourite music, have a tea, relax back into yourself. Sing, dance or stretch your beautiful body. I love to practice Yin Yoga in solitude times. This summer, sit still in nature and allow its beauty to nurture you.
Treat it with nutrient rich meals, hydrating alkalinising water, summer green juices, smoothies and salads. Oxygenate with deep loving breaths and stimulating exercises. It will love you back in so many ways: body vitality, mental clarity and ease of movement to name a few. My understanding is that one’s essence is love and joy. When you deeply connect to this, you will love and enjoy others in a real way, avoiding becoming wrapped up in self. In fact, prioritising a connection to self-love produces empathy, authentic generosity and care in friendships and relationships.
Mary Berkery is a personal development life coach. She is available for one to one sessions in person, via telephone or Skype. mary@maryberkery.com.
This is an taken from our Summer 2015 issue. Subscribe here to have the autumn issue and the following three delivered direct to your door.
This is an article from our Spring 2015 issue. Subscribe here in time to have our summer issue and three more delivered direct to your door. Stockists.
By Mary Berkery
A client came to me after noticing a pattern in her relationships. She would commence by giving much but later resent that she was doing more of this than the other person. People either started to take her for granted, become angry with her or she would pull back or create arguments. In exploring this, we looked at her vulnerability and what could she share of this, instead of her usual habits.
A young man came to ask for help with his girlfriend. She would spend hours getting ready to go out. She was insecure in how she looked and would try on lots of clothes and make-up options to cover up what she thought were her flaws. “She is so beautiful and cannot see it,” he told me.
If I had worked with her, we would have explored ways to practise being her true self in group situations and how her make-up and dress can be in harmony with this. A mentor, Faith Nyquist asked me a question when I embarked on beauty training, “When is a woman most beautiful?” “I do not know,” I answered. “When she is totally herself,” she replied. Carl Rodgers, the famous psychologist, said after years of working with clients “What is most personal is most universal.” What you think is your personal shortcoming, when shared, you realise others have similar fears and concerns. Rene Brown in her TED talk ‘The Power of Vulnerability’, says “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.”
I admire Nigella Lawson, her voluptuous and beautiful appearance. During her public divorce there was even more beauty in a face that showed pain andstress. She seemed to me more touchable and loveable. So why does vulnerability seem scary? Why does it feel easier to protect with a wall around us? Sharing deeper aspects of ourselves seems risky in a world that can seem hard and cruel, and perhaps there are few role-models who lead in this.
1. Choose who you share with. Vulnerability is tender and deserves care. Practise with someone who will not judge, or interrupt. This person can be a close friend, family member, a coach or counsellor.
2. Ask for what you need. Create a context for sharing authentic conversation by asking if the other person is willing to listen. You can also request that they do not offer any advice unless you ask for it. The purpose of vulnerability is not problem solving, it is about exposing and releasing.
3. State your feelings. If you feel nervous or ashamed, commence conversation by stating that. That’s ok. The key ingredients are authenticity and intimacy, allow yourself to be seen.
4. Watch judgments. Be aware of judging or analysing feelings. Allow anger, sadness or tears be there without censoring or editing how they are expressed.
5. Love you. Find that nervous person inside. Love their heart, shyness, warmth, their passion and tenderness. Let them know it is ok to speak and be heard. If someone judges or ridicules, it is a trait of their character and not yours. Tell yourself you are loved for who you are. The more you open up as yourself, the more attractive you become and others will be more relaxed and real with you, you give them permission to do so in your brave and beautiful steps of vulnerability.
This is an article from our Spring 2015 issue. Subscribe here in time to have our summer issue and three more delivered direct to your door. Stockists.
This is an excerpt from our Spring 2015 issue. Subscribe here to have our Spring issue delivered direct to your door and read the rest of the article. Or pick up a copy in one of our stockists.
By Mary Berkery
A client came to me after noticing a pattern in her relationships. She would commence by giving much but later resent that she was doing more of this than the other person. People either started to take her for granted, become angry with her or she would pull back or create arguments. In exploring this, we looked at her vulnerability and what could she share of this, instead of her usual habits.
A young man came to ask for help with his girlfriend. She would spend hours getting ready to go out. She was insecure in how she looked and would try on lots of clothes and make-up options to cover up what she thought were her flaws. “She is so beautiful and cannot see it,” he told me.
If I had worked with her, we would have explored ways to practise being her true self in group situations and how her make-up and dress can be in harmony with this. A mentor, Faith Nyquist asked me a question when I embarked on beauty training, “When is a woman most beautiful?” “I do not know,” I answered. “When she is totally herself,” she replied. Carl Rodgers, the famous psychologist, said after years of working with clients “What is most personal is most universal.” What you think is your personal shortcoming, when shared, you realise others have similar fears and concerns. Rene Brown in her TED talk ‘The Power of Vulnerability’, says “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.”
This is an excerpt from our Spring 2015 issue. Subscribe here to have our Spring issue delivered direct to your door and read the rest of the article. Or pick up a copy in one of our stockists.
Mary Berkery works as a professional life coach and speaking educator. mary@maryberkery.com
This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More