If you’ve given up on ever having the ultimate relationship, you’re missing out on a huge chunk of love and life. While you might think of them as being essential to your happiness, relationships are, in fact, about reclaiming your original ‘blueprint’ – the real you. They’re your principal healing tools and your ultimate pathway to empowerment, wholeness and balance. Once you know how to interpret and utilise them, they provide you with all the information and clues you need for growth and fulfilment.
We’re constantly relating to people, situations and feelings; and how we relate to them defines us. Relating is the story of our life – the story we tell people about who we are. In interacting with others, we transmit messages about our beliefs, fears, strengths and weaknesses – consciously and subconsciously. What story do you tell? Is your story a thriller, a drama, a rags-to-riches saga, or an epic romance with a happy ending? And how do you relate, or avoid relating, to people in your life?
To fully discover ourselves, we must fully engage in relationships, with all their challenges and complexities. If we avoid dealing with the demands, desires or expectations of others, we’re not challenged to change, grow or dig deep for compassion, acceptance and understanding. But when we embrace them wholeheartedly, relationships take us on a journey of healing, self-discovery and empowerment, bringing more love, laughter and fulfilment than we could ever have had on our own.
Relationships enable us to heal and grow in three main ways:
1. They show us what’s missing inside by triggering our issues, opening up old wounds to be healed, and challenging us to love ourselves unconditionally. We cannot truly love another unless we love ourselves, and it’s the conflict between our desire to be loved and our subconscious belief that we do not deserve love that is at the root of most relationship problems. If we missed out on affection, validation or support in our upbringing, for example, these ‘missing pieces’ will show up in our relationships; we must embody these qualities to make ourselves emotionally complete and to attract the same healthy wholeness in others.
2. They enable us to become powerful, creative individuals. By taking responsibility for our feelings, reactions and circumstances, and by using our partner as a mirror and sounding board for our growth, we realise just how powerfully we can shape our own lives. When we let go of the negative stories we carry around in our heads, we open up a whole new realm of possibilities. We become dynamic, purposeful and clear, aware of our ability to meet our own needs and to attract what we want.
3. They’re the doorway to intimacy, authenticity and fulfilment. The only way we can experience these qualities in our relationships is by expressing and revealing who we are. As we dare to go deeper in sharing ourselves with others, we’re challenged to reveal it all – the good, the bad and the ugly. If we do this, we can heal our deepest wounds and generate more intimacy than we could ever have had by keeping our ‘shameful’ aspects hidden.
We inhabit the Earth collectively so that we can learn how to love and understand ourselves, through each other. Coming here one at a time or living alone in a remote cave would not serve our purpose of self-realization. Love – or the lack of it – shapes our lives. How deeply we dig for it, how much we believe in it, and how we apply it determines our success in finding emotional and spiritual fulfilment. In mastering the art of intimate relationship, we ultimately reach a place of deep inner peace and acceptance. In so doing, we become aware of our tremendous ability – and responsibility – to positively influence our world, reawaken our creativity, and experience our ultimate self. This is the success story that every one of us can write.
Olga Sheean is an applied kinesiologist, therapist, relationship counsellor and empowerment coach who teaches a unique system of holistic self-mastery. Author of “Fit for Love – find your self and your perfect mate,” she offers in-person and online coaching/consultations worldwide. www.olgasheean.com / firstname.lastname@example.org