Rejecting Deflection
By Margot Tubbiolo
Our Spring 2024 Issue is out now! The theme of this magazine is Equanimity. Pick up your copy at a health store near you or subscribe to have the magazine delivered to your door each season https://www.positivelife.ie/subscribe/
Equanimity is the state of calm when you’re in stressful conditions. Everyone has their level of tolerance. When you look at someone’s behaviour, you can see who has learned this skill and who has not. Since I was a kid, I can say I had some disdain for people who did not possess this quality. However, now I see it as some people are reactive, and that’s okay, but we can all stand to improve our emotional balance while keeping our strength.
“Equanimity is the learned capacity to experience pain without added suffering.”
This quote for me perfectly explains the series of consequences that can happen if you are not balanced. Take a typical situation of stress; if you can not handle your emotions, you end up taking this stress out on others. This can cause more pain than the situation required. This pain travels from yourself to others and back to yourself again once you’ve realised what you’ve done.
The art of control will never go amiss in life. Personally, I have this skill, but I am only starting to see that it’s a good thing. I was only having a conversation recently with my friend about this. I was saying how I wish I was more reactive. I wish I had the confidence to get angry at someone straight away. However, I’ve realised this is not who I am. I am the type of person to collect my thoughts and bring up the situation at a later time. I take time to feel my emotions and express them in a delicate manner. This sometimes can be frustrating because I freeze when faced with confrontation. Regardless, I do think, all in all it does make me a more balanced person. It prevents me from causing unnecessary hurt. It means I am in control of a situation. I can choose my own outcome.
The only thing I think everyone can work on is where that energy goes. During the chaos of a tornado, I am fine. Yet when the dust settles, how will I affect others?
What do I do with the broken pieces?
I can either ask for help to deal with the mess. Or I can get so irate, throw a tantrum and make a mess for the people around me to pick up.
I’m trying to work on this. Sometimes, we come home from work and get annoyed at our partners for stupid things. We can be cold to the ones we love just because they are there, the first ones we see after the storm. I believe that instead of directing our pain at someone else, we should keep this composure and lean on them. Show mercy in the face of pain, ask if we can have help with our suffering instead of passing it on. It’s the harder decision to make because it requires us to really feel our emotions. But you can’t go through life deflecting your feelings onto others.
