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The Unexpected Way To Improve Your Life: Moving From Inner Conflict To Welcoming ‘What Is’

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The Unexpected Way To Improve Your Life: Moving From Inner Conflict To Welcoming ‘What Is’

By Sandy C. Newbigging

Stop fighting life. It’s hurting you, harming your health, messing with your money, and limiting your love of life. Hidden conflict creates emotional upset: it stresses us out, makes us a victim of circumstance, stands in the way of lasting satisfaction and reduces our capacity to experience a far more rock-solid inner peace.

It’s been said that ‘resistance is futile’, and itis so true. There is a direct relationship between how much we resist life and the stress, struggle and suffering we endure. Have you noticed how the more you push against what happens, the more life tends to push back? Whereas, if you can muster the courage to lay down arms and cultivate what I call ‘peace with life’, then consistent inner calm, better health, freedom from a wide range of problems and genuine life ‘success’ can be your rewards.


During our lives, we have picked up many ideas around ‘what a good life looks like’, including how much money we should have in the bank, the calibre of car we should drive, etc. Irrespective of whether these ideas have come from our parents, partners or peers or the bombardment of countless marketing campaigns ,the common result of this conditioning is ending up in a battle within ourselves and with life. To resist(and internally argue with)anything that doesn’t go our way, show up how we want, or satisfy our eternal hunger for more or better, new and improved.

We have also been conditioned to be attached to what we believe will make us happier and end up frustrated, upset or unsatisfied whenever life doesn’t match our hopes, dreams and expectations. In short, we have been conditioned to feel bad, get stressed and even end up sick–due to having chronic unconscious conflicts with life. But don’t get disheartened; it doesn’t need to be this way. With a relatively simple shift in mindset, you can empower yourself by clearing the inner conflicts that are the undercover culprits of common health concerns, persistent problems and untapped peace and potential.

The ‘trick’ is to bring conscious calm to anywhere in your life that there is an unconscious inner conflict, and in doing so, stop engaging in this fruitless fight with life. You can achieve this by releasing your resistances and attachments, which are the two core components (and the two opposing forces) of inner conflict.

Calming your inner conflict with life is a priceless skill that can provide an unshakable peace with life, irrespective of what’s happening today or what might happen tomorrow.

There is a direct relationship between how much we resist life and the stress, struggle and suffering we endure.

Loving life and living with the inner ease of equanimity is possible. Not necessarily by endlessly working to fix, change and improve everything that is contrary to our personal preferences, but by healing our relationship with life. This approach requires us to be open to the possibility that it is not what’s happening but our relationship with what’s happening that matters more. Knowing this, you can make the heroic choice to stop the struggle and do the inner work required to bring calm to any conflict-within yourself and towards life. Make this all-important shift, and I promise the quality of your life experience will start improving in unexpected ways.


Although we can’t always control what happens during daily life, we can heal the habit of harbouring disharmony with what happens .In doing so, we can gain a much more consistent state of inner calm that is no longer dependent on circumstance. Perhaps surprisingly, one of the best and most enjoyable ways to change anything for the better is to stop being in conflict with how it is now. Or, said differently, to take a time out from fighting ‘what is’ and working so hard to fix everything that you may believe is wrong with your mind, emotions, body or life.

Empower yourself by finding peace with the current reality of how things are.

I know this may sound counterproductive. Surely, if you don’t work hard to change things, then life will stay the same? With the right attitude and approach, you can discover that the opposite happens. Time after time, I have found that inner conflict keeps us connected to the very things that we don’t want. The more we resist, the more what we don’t want tends to persist.

The more we are attached to things being different, the more our underlying intentions have a way of repelling the very things we want. But when we are finally willing to welcome and experience whatever life is presenting to us, then the lack of inner conflict has a magical way of bringing about positive change, and dare I say it, in surprising ways that are far better than we may have imagined possible. I’m not suggesting you should give up trying to improve things or that you should become passive. I’m saying first, find peace with how things are.

By healing your relationships with life, you can be peaceful and purposeful, wake up to greater wellness and enjoy a truly successful life, one that you love.

To access Sandy’s online retreats or book one-to-one sessions with him, visit sandynewbigging.com

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