Happy Winter Solstice, Positive Lifers! In this extract from our Winter 2018/19 issue, acclaimed health and wellness coach Alison Canavan discusses some of the challenges of winter, and how we can learn how to thrive during the winters of life. Remember: the darkest hour comes before the dawn.
Mindfulness
In this extract from our Summer 2018 issue, our meditation writer Sandy Newbigging discusses the perils of becoming overly attached to a particular outcome – and how we can break the trap.
The Attach Catch
Break the trap of attachment
By Sandy Newbigging
Attachment happens whenever you believe that being, doing or having x, y or z will make you happier, peaceful, loved, successful or some other desirable state. Being attached makes you move away from wanting certain things to believing that you need them to be OK.
Growing up, you probably learned what a good life looks like: how much money you should earn, the kind of house you should live in, the type of person you should end up with, the shape of body you should have, even the make and model of car you should drive.
Highly motivated to achieve this good life, we take our rulebook of requirements and set about doing everything we possibly can to make it all happen.
Temporary highs at best
I remember getting into a convertible I’d just bought with the advance from one of my earlier book deals. Before leaving the showroom, I sat for a few moments looking around at my new purchase. I felt great! Then I looked to my right and noticed a little scratch on the side panel and thought: Oh well, I’ll be happy when I get that fixed!
Sitting in my expensive convertible, which I’d spent years working to get, my mind gave me about five seconds of pure joy before it found something to judge negatively and resist. Can you relate to this? Without realising it at the time, I had immediately become attached to the scratch being removed before I could fully enjoy the car again. This is just one example of the many times when I inadvertently fell into what I refer to as the ‘Attach Catch’.
Left unseen, the mind can postpone your peace and happiness and be busy forever.
Attachment and the compulsion to overthink
There is a direct relationship between being attached to things being a certain way and the compulsion to overthink. Whenever your mind believes that it needs something to be OK, it becomes very active in trying to figure out how to get away from where you are now and into a more appealing time in the future.
Attachment dulls your experience. It stops the present moment from ever being good enough, leading to discontentment. Attachment leads to a very limited life in which you need to control and manipulate things to fit your rulebook of requirements. As a result, the mind is given good cause to start producing copious amounts of thoughts about how to improve your circumstances.
Quick cure: Let go of things needing to be different
Ever catch yourself thinking this classic attachment thought? I’ll be happy when…
Take a moment to consider all the things that you think you need to change, fix or improve before you can be truly happy: whether it is your job, relationship, finances, the healing of a physical condition or something else.
Then consider this simple statement in the context of your attachment: I can want this without needing it. When I invite my coaching clients and course or retreat participants to do this exercise, I see the same transformations happen time and time again. Common responses are ‘I feel relief’, ‘I feel calm’, ‘I feel free’, along with a range of other really lovely experiences. What happens for you when you are courageously contented?
To celebrate Adyashanti’s upcoming visit to Dublin on August 19th, we are thrilled to share our interview with him from our Summer 2018 issue. Visit adyashanti.org to learn more about his work!
The Wisdom of Adya: Opening up and embracing what is
by Aisling Cronin
Interviewers: Daizan Kaarlenkaski and Paul Congdon
Adyashanti is an American-born spiritual teacher who is devoted to serving the awakening of all beings. He promotes non-dual teachings, based on recognising both the infinite spiritual possibilities and the everyday simplicity of our lives. He is the author of a number of successful spiritual titles, including The Way of Liberation, Resurrecting Jesus and Falling into Grace. We were thrilled to interview him recently and hear about his thoughts on the student-teacher relationship, his relationship with his wife Mukti, working with his father, and what Ireland means to him.
Could you tell us about the way you share your dharma teachings? For example, you never answer questions directly, but instead offer questions for people to ask themselves.
When I am dialoguing with somebody, my goal is to help them discover an answer or a resolution inside themselves, for themselves. All true realisations come from within the individual. In my style of teaching, I put a lot of responsibility on the students because I think that in the spiritual community, the students are far too often infantilised and treated like children. It is often encouraged for students to relate to the teacher as a child would, rather than interacting as two adults in a state of mutual trust. Grown-ups make their own decisions.
Do you think there can come a point when the student-teacher relationship needs to evolve for the student to gain true autonomy?
Yes, I think if a student has too much projection around the teacher – if they’re projecting all of their own holiness and light onto them – then the teacher does become a barrier. People put these projections onto the teacher because they hope that the teacher is going to be able to ‘save’ them. To the extent that we allow ourselves to become involved in that projection, the projection is what becomes a barrier. I was with my teacher for about fourteen years before she asked me to teach, and I noticed then that our relationship changed. I was still open to what she had to say, and open to her direction and guidance, but I related to her as an adult and not as a child. Teachers are best regarded as mentors, rather than as ‘gods.’
How do your teachings translate into your day-to-day life, in terms of your relationships?
Mukti and I have one of the most harmonious relationships that I know. I’m not saying it’s the most harmonious relationship in the world or anything, but it’s always been something that comes relatively naturally to both of us, which is really lucky. It has felt so natural for us to be together and part of that may be because we never imagined that it was the other person’s responsibility to ‘make me happy’. It has certainly matured over time. It had a lot of those effortless qualities from the very beginning, but nothing stays static – you are either maturing or regressing, one or the other. For twenty-two years, I have kept thinking to myself, ‘it can’t get any more profound than this’ and the next year, I find myself thinking, ‘wow, it did!’ Relationships can be one of the greatest areas of growth there is. To have a successful relationship, you’ve got to be a clear, adult, mature human being. That applies to relationships of all kinds: lovers, friends, family, even strangers.
It is amazing how different our relationships can be with different people: for example, you can be in a bad mood with your partner one moment, and the next, you can be chatting with your friends and you just light up – as though you are a totally different person.
That is an interesting observation, because I believe that we often reserve our worst behaviour for the people we love the most! There are a whole lot of subtle things going on in your most intimate relationships that can make them more charged, and I think one of the most predominant reasons for that is that we think when someone says ‘I love you’, they are somehow responsible for our well-being. When you go to your friends, you don’t have that pressure. You might love your friends, and be happy when you are with them – but you don’t think, ‘this person is responsible for making me happy or validating me in some way’. That expectation can creep into a lot of our most profound relationships, whether that be lovers, children or parents. With deep attachments can often come deep expectations.
How has that teaching come into play in your family relationships?
In the early years of my teaching, I actually worked with my father. He was a machinist and he had his own business. I would go to work, and I was his son and he would be my boss, and then he would come on retreats with me, and then he would be my student and I would be his teacher … It changed our roles. It was a great teaching for me, too. I saw that whatever role I play in life, it’s just a role. It’s something I can slip into and out of, like clothing. ‘Spiritual teacher’ is a role I play – it’s not who I am.
You have previously talked about awakening on different levels: the mind, the heart and the gut. Can you talk about that?
Awakening on the level of mind occurs when our identity is no longer enclosed in the level of thought. Awakening of the heart occurs when we have the intuitive capacity to perceive and experience unity and interconnectedness. The gut is much harder to describe – when I say ‘the gut’, I am talking metaphorically about the ground of all being and the ground of all experience. This is where we encounter the most existential point of our self. We can awaken at mind and heart, yet still not awaken at this very existential level.
In one of your books, you talk about how you experienced a sense of peace that lies beyond everything else, while you were grieving for your dog.
That moment I had over my dog when I was younger was really what precipitated a deeper experience of complete willingness to experience my own grief. As soon as that happened – as soon as I gave way to the experience I was having – a pinprick of peace and wellbeing started to grow inside me, until it was almost without edges. I had a sense of complete wellbeing, even while my grief simultaneously existed in the same space. There is a phrase I used to hear all the time during my Zen training that I didn’t understand – but I do now – which is: ‘always being, always becoming.’
Adya’s Thoughts on Ireland
I am really looking forward to coming to Ireland, which is unusual for me. I travel a lot and I don’t usually get really excited about going somewhere new, but I have very deep ties with Ireland. I have a lot of Irish in me – as well as a lot of Scottish and a lot of English, all mixed together – so it’s a deep part of my life. My wife Mukti’s father emigrated from Ireland and my mother’s father emigrated from Ireland, so there is a lot of Irish blood in the family. I had two of my most significant insights on St. Patricks’ Day – one year apart – so there is something about Ireland. I am looking forward to finally being in Ireland. I love Irish people’s great sense of humour. There is a lightness and a profoundness mixed into the psyche of the Irish, and as a teacher I really appreciate that because there is not as much of a facade in the Irish make-up as there is in America, for sure.
Adyashanti and Mukti will be visiting Dublin this August for a Special Intensive teaching event. This will take place from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Sunday August 19th, in the Gibson Hotel, Point Square, North Dock, Dublin 1. For details, go to: www.adyashanti.org
Positive Nights presents: Special Movie Screening HEAL, You Have the Power to Heal Yourself!
Facebook Page| Tuesday, February 13th, 2018 7:30pm (Doors open at 7pm) | Eur 15 / 10 euros concession | Location: Cinema Room, Generator Hostels, Smithfield Square, Dublin 7, Ireland.
AN EVENING WITH A SPECIAL SCREENING
(We have limited seating available; please book your place early)
Featuring Deepak Chopra, Bruce Lipton, Marianne Williamson, Michael Beckwith, Gregg Braden, Anita Moorjani, Anthony William and more.
Director Kelly Noonan Gores’ documentary takes us on a scientific and spiritual journey where we discover that our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions have a huge impact on our health and ability to heal. The latest science reveals that we are not victims of unchangeable genes, nor should we buy into a scary prognosis. The fact is we have more control over our health and life than we have been taught to believe. This film will empower you with a new understanding of the miraculous nature of the human body and the extraordinary healer within us all.
Click here to see the trailer. & Click here to get your tickets!
Bringing Dating Back: The Transcendent Quality of Intentional Intimacy
In our Winter 2017/2018 issue, the Tantric writer, visionary and teacher Dawn Cartwright wrote a beautiful article on the ancient Tantric rituals that inspired modern dating practices, and why we need to bring the sacred, intentional qualities of these rituals back into our lives today. Here, we share this article in its entirety. Dawn will offer Fragrance of the Lotus Tantra Teacher Training from April 19th-28th, 2019, in Wicklow and Weaving the Beloveds for Couples during the May Bank Holiday Weekend on the Wild Atlantic Way. To book your place or learn more about Dawn’s work, go to her website dawncartwright.com.
Bringing Dating Back: The Transcendent Quality of Intentional Intimacy
By Dawn Cartwright
Where and when did the ritual of dating begin? Is it time to bring dating back?
Each morning, just before dawn, Tantric adepts in every Tantra temple in the world present five specific offerings to the deity. First, sandalwood powder is smoothed on the deity’s forehead and feet. Then, a mantra is sung while flowers, gathered from the temple gardens, are offered. Fragrant incense is lit, oil lamps illuminate the deity’s face, and sweets, dripping with honey and ghee, touch the deity’s lips. Sandalwood, mantra, incense, lamps and sweets: the Pancha Upacaras, a Sanskrit phrase that means, “five moments of access”. Five offerings purposefully chosen to awaken the five senses, allowing the devotee “five moments of access” to an elevated experience of the world.
Simple rituals such as this compose a twilight language rich in meaning and significance. Esoteric practices are known to reveal the extraordinary within the ordinary through simple means. While it may seem as if the Pancha Upacaras are offered to awaken the deity from her slumber, it is the adept whose senses are awakened, triggering a heightened state of consciousness – revealing the sublime within the mundane. Much the way one would greet an honoured guest in their home, the deity is welcomed into the temple each morning, and the devotee catches a glimpse of the divine within.
Perhaps owing to the romantic nature of the human heart, or the longing each of us has to touch the ineffable quality of love, the Pancha Upacaras, a ritual enacted since the beginning of time, eventually found its way into every corner of the world. These five offerings are the roots of hospitality and compose the traditional elements of successful dating.
In the chilly pre-dawn mist, the Tantric deity becomes more beautiful with each flower-laden moment. Beauty that exists because it is seen. Beauty seen because it is invited and welcomed, because it has already been awakened within the one who extends the invitation. Just as a tree that falls without a witness cannot make a sound, beauty, though it is certainly there, cannot be experienced without the observer. We create the beauty we see in the world and each other through our endeavour: in this case by awakening the five senses to see it. Dating and hospitality were originally meant to deepen our connection with those we revere, without expectation or goal.
Not so very long ago dating meant affection, flowers and chocolates. Candlelight, serenades and perfume. The very same offerings that compose the Pancha Upacaras. Today, dating has been reduced to “hanging out” and online chat rooms. Devotion seems to have gone by the wayside and the transcendent quality we all long for in dating has all but disappeared.
Is it time to bring dating back? If so, what would that look like?
It is time to bring dating back and here’s how. The Pancha Upacaras uplift the senses, open the heart and create loving connection. These five steps, created from the origins of love, thousands and thousands of years ago, bring the magic back.
1st . Sandalwood . Gandha . Touch
The ancient Tantra practitioners knew the importance of focused attention as a catalyst for transcendent experiences of all kinds. Once you’ve established you’re attracted, the next step is to turn your attention toward the one you’re attracted to. That might be the person you see every morning at the coffee shop, or the person sitting right across from you at breakfast if you’re married. Look up. Take in this glorious human. Touch with your attention.
2nd . Flowers & Mantras . Pushpa . Hearing
Do you have time for dating? Very few people do. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or married for years, relationships, even budding ones, need time. Set aside time. Make a point to say the name of your date now and then when you’re speaking to them. Everyone’s name is their personal mantra, music to their ears. Bring flowers.
3rd . Incense & Perfume . Dhoopa . Smell
Does your date love coffee? Flowers? Spices? Create a date that’s a mystical journey of the senses, focusing on the sense of smell. Visit a coffee importer, a flower market, an exotic spice shop. Fragrance is the most powerful bonding memory of all.
4th . Oil Lamps & Candle Light . Deepa . Sight
The easiest step of all – make sure there’s candlelight. The soft glow of candlelight brings out the beauty in everyone, and has the power to open the heart.
5th . Sweets & Chocolates . Naivedya . Taste
Hand-selected chocolates or macaroons entice the senses and ignite feelings of attraction and desire, whether your date is a woman or man. Sweets nourish the spirit and elevate the experience of love.
Dawn Cartwright is a Tantric visionary, sacred writer, world traveler, and innovator in bio-energetic Tantra fusion. Dawn will offer Fragrance of the Lotus Tantra Teacher Training from April 19th-28th, 2018, in Wicklow and Weaving the Beloveds for Couples during the May Bank Holiday Weekend on the Wild Atlantic Way. To book your place, go to: www.dawncartwright.com.
Positive Nights presents: Special Movie Screening HEAL, You Have the Power to Heal Yourself!
Facebook Page| Tuesday, February 13th, 2018, 7:30pm (Doors open at 7pm) | Eur 15 / 10 euros concession | Location: Cinema Room, Generator Hostels, Smithfield Square, Dublin 7, Ireland.
AN EVENING WITH A SPECIAL SCREENING
(We have limited seating available; please book your place early)
Featuring Deepak Chopra, Bruce Lipton, Marianne Williamson, Michael Beckwith, Gregg Braden, Anita Moorjani, Anthony William and more.
Director Kelly Noonan Gores’ documentary takes us on a scientific and spiritual journey where we discover that our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions have a huge impact on our health and ability to heal. The latest science reveals that we are not victims of unchangeable genes, nor should we buy into a scary prognosis. The fact is we have more control over our health and life than we have been taught to believe. This film will empower you with a new understanding of the miraculous nature of the human body and the extraordinary healer within us all.
Click here to see the trailer. & Click here to get your tickets!
By Sigita Paliukaité
I flew to Thailand, straight to the islands. The way I planned it, this was supposed to be my time of peace, laziness and enjoyment, while resting on its white sand beaches and swimming in its blue waters. But suddenly, my journey turned into something unexpected and entirely different. It felt as if my world has shrunk from 3D to 2D.
Myanmar was such an experience! Travelling through timeless beauty and unspeakable poverty, seeing human conditioning and at the same time the vastness of forgiveness and kindness. I saw layers inside myself I wasn't aware of. And here, here I was, in a supposed paradise, packed with tourists, having a drink every evening. I started smoking again, was solely in my head, feeling lonely and totally separated. Something snapped inside me when I
arrived to Thailand. Once again, ego was the main participant in the play of life.
I can’t really explain why or how. Did I just absorb my surroundings, shape-shifting into what was around me? Myanmar was true and raw, and I was true and raw. And here in Thailand, on snow white beaches, looking at the sun mirror itself in sky blue waters, I was playing a part in my ego’s masquerade once again. Even if I hated it, even if I knew I hated it, I picked up and put on that heavy layered mask.
I was quite miserable for very petty, silly reasons (on top of spiritual, energetic or whatever relapse I was going through); such as people around me were all couples or families on holidays in their own private bubbles, or not being able to rent a motorbike and drive (have no driving licence. I know, shocking). I was stuck on the island, with waterfalls just in the mountains behind me which I’d never see (as my time and travels went on, I’ve visited countless stunning waterfalls, falling down in many tiers and swam in their pools, but back then, my mind kept me preoccupied with “wanting and not getting”).
And then I heard of this island; a few square kilometres, a handful of locals, electricity after dusk until midnight, only one place on the whole island, at the end of the beach, with a few bungalows to rent. It sounded exactly what I need. So I made my way there. I was scammed on the boat ride, only to find out that the night in a bungalow would cost me
€30! I couldn’t help myself though, as it was to be my ultimate island experience, the one I’d dreamed of and imagined all my life. So I made a decision to use my whole journey’s funds on about two weeks’ budget and have this experience. I booked myself in for three nights, for my long anticipated peace and quiet.
And I hated it! The water was too shallow for a swim and there were odd creatures (sea cucumbers as I learned later) on the bottom of the sea. There was no breeze and the heat was just too much. Drinking water was not included in the bungalow price and my silence disappeared with long-tail boats with snorkelers coming close to the shore from late morning until sunset; I was so uncomfortable there all the time. Expectations! Hadn’t I learned yet?
One of those days, I realised something of great importance. Well, it wasn’t like I haven’t heard it before, but perhaps I needed to learn through my own, however painful, experience rather than in theory; There is no peace without only within. I’d been looking in the totally wrong place!
I remembered a split second of peace, like nothing I’d felt before, which I experienced when I was having an anxiety attack (yes, I hear the irony!) back in Myanmar. I just allowed all that was to be. After such a powerful revelation you’d imagine me to shift towards where that revelation was pointing at, right? No such thing! Every time I tried to ground myself in it or meditate – I’d pass out to sleep! And I knew very well, that was the ego’s response, when it’s
about to be degraded, but I couldn’t help it, the grip was too strong.
So there I was, awfully uncomfortable. Unable to move. Just hoping I’d come out of it eventually. I was feeling so paralysed. I was incapable of even thinking about where I would head to next. And so I extended my very expensive suffering for longer… How bizarre! Two unbelievable things happened that day – to wake me up, to open my eyes to seeing that one-way traffic bridge from within to without.
In the late morning, I was walking on a long, empty beach and a massive coconut fell from a palm tree onto my footsteps, just a second after I’d passed. It gave me a good scare! And that night, I witnessed contraband being brought from a ship to the island. Three small boats came to the shore, soundless and in complete darkness – no lights, no torches, nothing – from a French ship anchored farther away in the sea (I presumed it was a French ship, because I saw the crew on the island earlier that day and I heard them speak French. I knew three little boats came from there because I saw the ship well-lit just before midnight, men unloading cargo onto small boats). They came straight to the beach where I was sitting, watching stars, alone. Men carried large heavy crates in silence, to golf carts, waiting by the beach in (again!) complete darkness. We all pretended not to notice each other’s company – twelve black ghostly silhouettes, bent beneath the weight they carried, soundlessly crossing the beach, and me, sitting on the sand, “star-watching”, exposed and thinking I’d be murdered that night. I’d sensed from the first day there was something fishy about the whole island, there were too many odd, little details that just didn’t add up. However, I don’t want to go too deep into speculations now, and none of them in fact matter here in my tale. So that night I finally knew – the universe is telling me something loud and clear. I knew the message straight away!
My last morning in Myanmar, I was having breakfast in a guesthouse when a Buddhist monk appeared from somewhere and gave me a little card, with hand writing in English that said “those who are present will never die, but whose who live in past or future, are already like the dead.” Now, life was showing me the direction, was telling me that there's only one “real” reality and that is present moment, but I still didn’t live it. So coconuts fell on my footsteps and danger found itself on my path…
I kept island hopping for three more weeks, stayed on seven islands and visited many more. I experienced the beauty of turquoise waters, countless sunrises and sunsets setting the sky on fire, white sand as soft as powder, mountains covered in jungle, cliffs, tropical flowers, fireflies, stars in the night sky. I swam in beautiful coral reefs, with big and small fish of all the colours of the rainbow, with little sharks and sting rays, and with a huge white sea-turtle. The islands were mesmerizing! But I will remember it as the time when I was the most lonely…
That “ultimate island experience” shed a lot of light onto some questions I hadn’t even verbalized properly back then. But, clearly, the teachings and teachers are always provided, we just don’t recognise them, or we get disappointed because they’re very often not the ones we would like or expect to learn from. “Our experiences are never suffering. We just choose to suffer our experiences.” These are not my words, but profound insights of a wise man whose book I was reading at that time.
I was talking to a friend of mine, who is on her own quest far away across the ocean, by the end of my third week in the islands and she made a very good point. She told me to acknowledge how symbolic "island" is. The same friend asked me then, how my heart was? Have you ever been asked this question? It baffled me. After an audit my reply was “overlooked…watching the mind dance.” I surprised myself by how clearly and easily, without any internal earthquake to shake feelings and force insights to become more vivid, just in a conversation with a friend, I truly saw it as something cardinal – my ‘heart’, my core. And that was as far as I figured. How to identify with my heart, not my mind – I did not know. That was the end of the rational road. And all I could do was hope for grace.
After days of denial, I finally saw “island” for what it was- a mistaken choice to look for peace in the outside world of expectations- and took a ferry to the main land.
Facebook Page| Thursday, December 7, 2017, 7:30pm | Eur 20 / 15 euros concession | Location: The Powerscourt Theatre, Dublin 2.
On this evening, we will have a Xmas special with John Bowker. Expect a lot of love in the room as it is the usual when john comes to visit us!
John describes Heartsongs as “software to open your heart, exploring intentional blessings and weaves of harmony in a playful friendly space for humans”.
We will provide some delicious fresh juices from Tutti Frutti on the night.
Click here to get your tickets or email us at positivenights@gmail.com for more info!
MORE ABOUT JOHN
John Bowker is one of Ireland and the UK’s best-known and most well-loved music facilitators. As the creator of Tribal Spirit Drumming he has ignited a passion for hand drumming in thousands of people all over the world. He now brings that unique teaching style to sharing his love of singing -with the same sense of playfulness, joy and deep wisdom that anyone who works with him has come to treasure.
Facebook Page| Thursday, December 7, 2017, 7:30pm | Eur 20 / 15 euros concession | Location: The Powerscourt Theatre, Dublin 2.
On this evening, we will have a Xmas special with John Bowker. Expect a lot of love in the room as it is the usual when john comes to visit us!
John describes Heartsongs as “software to open your heart, exploring intentional blessings and weaves of harmony in a playful friendly space for humans”.
We will provide some delicious fresh juices from Tutti Frutti on the night.
Click here to get your tickets or email us at positivenights@gmail.com for more info!
MORE ABOUT JOHN
John Bowker is one of Ireland and the UK’s best-known and most well-loved music facilitators. As the creator of Tribal Spirit Drumming he has ignited a passion for hand drumming in thousands of people all over the world. He now brings that unique teaching style to sharing his love of singing -with the same sense of playfulness, joy and deep wisdom that anyone who works with him has come to treasure.

