Our summer issue is out now. Our regular contributor Judith McAdam illuminates the necessity of forming a healthy relationship with yourself before you can do so with anyone else. Dive on in to learn more…
Forming A Relationship With Yourself
Bring The Love Within
by Judith McAdam
Who am I?’ ‘What do I want?’ ‘Where do I come in all of this?’ I’m sure you have asked yourself one or all of these questions at some stage in your life; I know I have. Probably, albeit when you were feeling at your lowest ebb when you gave too much of yourself to other people, put yourself last, and ignored your own needs. Come to think of it… do you really know what your own needs are? Torn between work, relationships, children, friend commitments, college demands, money issues, or worse, all of the above, you can easily lose yourself in the melee.
We form relationships with our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, work colleagues, therapists, teachers; the list is endless. We know what’s expected of us, how to act, and what to say to appease. We know the likes and dislikes of all those around us. We love, encourage and support them. Nurture and look after them, hold them in high regard, praise them, and put up with all kinds of quirky behaviour from them. Yet, when it comes to forming a relationship with ourselves… well, what’s that? We don’t listen to that anxious, upset, angry or frightened child within our own hearts. We never encourage or support ourselves and never ever so much as contemplate loving ourselves. The cold, harsh reality is you may very well have no true, meaningful relationship with YOU.
When Polonius boldly stated, ‘to thine own self be true,’ he presumed we would know the intricate workings of ‘thine self’. Instead of finding deep satisfaction, understanding and love within the chambers of our own hearts, the internal dialogue of the average 21st Century human is more likely to resemble the relationship between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. Where intergalactic mental battles ensue between the ‘light and ‘dark’ side of our own minds. Understanding the
dark internal chitter chatter that can lead us into black holes of depression, anxiety and fear versus the light, playful side that quietly assures us that ‘the force is with us’ means embracing and loving the positive and negative side of ourselves.
Let me tell you a story from one of my clients who gave me permission to use this. In one of her visits, we were getting to know her inner fearful child and how negative and anxious that part of her gets. This was in stark contrast to the magnificent part of her who wanted to see the world, play and have fun. She told me that when she was a little girl, she had two imaginary friends—one whose name was Anna. Anna was playful, fun and light, while the other, whose name was Sam was fearful and anxious. As a child, she cleverly recognised her positive and negative traits. Unfortunately, she had befriended Sam leaning toward anxiety and fear. As she grew up, she abandoned Anna, who was her positive internal friend. However, Anna was always waiting for her to return. In that moment, she became reconciled with both aspects of herself, coming to a better understanding of her own mind. She was beginning to form a relationship with herself, to understand who she was, her fears, and her strengths, and the knowledge that there didn’t have to be a battle, her fears didn’t have to define her, and that she could create harmony in her own mind.
The most important relationship you can ever have is with yourself. When you understand, love and cherish all aspects of who you are and begin to truly look after yourself, you lose all resentment stepping into your own personal power. A quiet confidence grows, and your heart opens to compassion not just for yourself but for others too.
If you are interested in loving yourself, there are some free visualisations on my website to help you. Try the Inner Child visualisation first to help you establish a relationship with yourself.
With love, Judith