We are excited to welcome our long-time collaborator, columnist and The Source author, Judith McAdam, to Positive Nights on Friday March 8th (International Women’s Day) for a very special evening on co-creating gender balance in our world. Read on to learn more!
Love & Relationships
We love these words of wisdom by the renowned meditation coach and author Sandy Newbigging. In this sneak peek from our Winter 2018/19 issue, he shares his advice on how to generate a greater sense of love in our lives.
In this beautiful article from our Winter 2018/19 issue, our resident Tantra expert Dawn Cartwright explored the inherent beauty of winter months, and how it can bring us closer to ourselves and to our beloved ones. Her suggested ceremony that you can perform at this time of year – Winter Lovers – is aimed at kindling Tantric energies and supporting lovers as they merge with themselves and one another.
In the Winter 2018/19 edition of Spirituality in the City, we asked some of our readers to answer the profound question, ‘what does love mean to me?’ Their answers were deeply enlightening and heartwarming. They gave us a lot to ponder about!
In this sneak peek from our Winter 2018/19 issue, our resident Tantra expert Dawn Cartwright explored the inherent beauty of winter months, and how it can bring us closer to ourselves and to our beloved ones. Her suggested ceremony that you can perform at this time of year – Winter Lovers – is aimed at kindling Tantric energies and supporting lovers as they merge with themselves and one another.
Judith McAdam is our newest regular writer and we are thrilled to have her on board. If you haven’t seen it already, make sure you check out the visualisation track we created with her – it is available to purchase on our site right now. Below, we are sharing a sneak peek of her fantastic article on negative and positive momentum, which appears in our Winter 2018/19 issue. Check here for your nearest stockist, or subscribe to receive a copy direct to your door.
In the face of death, how can we stay anchored in love? This final article for Positive Life from the amazing Dee Wallace touches on a theme that holds great resonance for many people during November (the month of remembrance and honouring the souls of those who have passed). This article appeared in our Autumn 2018 issue.
Love and Death
Staying Anchored in Love
by Dee Wallace
Those are the two topics which seem to be permeating the energy right now. Let’s talk about love first.
My beloved older brother, Dennis, was visiting the last two weeks. Through all the trials and instability of our childhoods, Denny was my rock. Throughout his life, he was voted one of the country’s top young men to succeed, became a minister, worked for President Nixon, created several businesses and raised three amazing children. He also took dreadful care of himself: resulting in strokes, heart attacks and brain damage. He lost his business. He lost his house. At 75, he looks older than he should, and is depressed about his losses.
His visit reminded me of what my mother – saint of love – taught me about my aunt, a recovering, cranky alcoholic, when she was riddled with cancer. As a young adult I was often disgusted at her incapacity to conduct herself with dignity.
My mother took me aside quietly, looked deep into my eyes, and said:
You didn’t know your Auntie Lee when she was the first to graduate college in the family, or the first to be a successful businesswoman, or the myriad of times she paid our rent, or supported me when daddy was so sick, or helped take care of you kids financially. She is important to me, D.D., She is my sister, and I love her. We don’t stop loving people because they lose their way, or get old, or get sick, or can’t live with as much dignity. We love people because that is the right thing to do. No matter what. And we remember them for who they truly are, and the vibrant people they have been.
When I got to spend this valuable time with my brother, we spent many hours reminiscing about his victories of life. I spent a lot of time celebrating who he is, who he was, and most importantly, encouraging him to be who he still can be. That’s life. That’s being vibrant till the last moment. So many people are waiting to die because they have changed from “the person they used to be”, instead of asking, “How can I live to my fullest NOW?”
I have experienced so much death in my life. It is never easy. No one expects it to be. But the channel wants to give us all some insight and comfort about this.
1) No one leaves without choice. You’ll never understand it, but you can have peace in accepting it
2) Your loved one’s energy is always available to you. Talk to them. And LISTEN and feel their response. As in everything, you must ask for them to touch you with their presence.
3) Trust yourself to connect. It is easy.
4) You may be given pictures, or memories, or emotions. Know that those are all forms of communication.
5) Move into a place of joy and acceptance and love as quickly as you can. It helps free their energy to connect with you.
6) Remember, you are the power and the love that chooses to create this connection. Embrace it and celebrate it when you are ready.
Death is a birthday for those who leave. It is a challenge for those “left behind” to move on, live in love, and experience the rest of life with joyful creation. Yes, it can be hard … until there is a choice made to embrace it. Honour your loved ones by living life to the fullest. They want it that way.
“Love’s stronger than fear and death.”
– Steve Hackett
“Love has no age, no limit; and no death.”
– John Galsworthy
In a world where it can sometimes be difficult to stand in our power and be assertive, Dawn Cartwright offers her advice on how we can clearly communicate ‘our true ‘yes’ and our honest ‘no”. This article appears in our Autumn 2018 issue – to pick up a copy, just check your nearest stockist or subscribe to the magazine today.
The Art of Assertiveness
When to say yes and how to say no
by Dawn Cartwright
According to researchers at Cornell University, we make 35,000 conscious decisions each day. That’s thirty-five thousand opportunities every single day to move closer to, or farther away from, our dreams. Our decisions create our future. The clearer we are about when to say ‘yes’ and how to say ‘no’, the more likely we are to be true to ourselves and create a life that reflects who we are.
In a world where there’s pressure to conform and fit in, decisions are often made based on expectations, rather than the truth we feel inside. We lose ourselves. We slide into accommodating others because it seems easier. We avoid the less familiar emotions, and the closeness and bonding that comes from facing and working through them, to maintain an illusion of peace. We feel our true ‘yes’ and our honest ‘no’ and we second guess them, or push them aside. Yet we long to be intimate. We long to be accepted. We long to be loved as we truly are.
How do we get in touch with our innermost feelings and thoughts? What does it mean to be someone who says ‘yes’ and ‘no’ honestly? How do we express ourselves truthfully, with kindness? How do we create a life filled with possibility, intimacy and freedom? How do we become who we are capable of being?
In 1943 Abraham Maslow introduced Positive Psychology, the scientific study of the positive and elevating aspects of human behaviour. Maslow believed that every human being has a strong desire to realise their full potential, to be who they are capable of being. He created a model called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, providing a map to becoming who we truly are. This map is useful in our quest to know when to say yes and how to say no.
When To Say Yes
- The Basics: Do you have shelter? Clothing? Food? Clean water? Are you meeting your sexual needs? If not, the stress of these unmet needs will interfere with your inner compass. Meet these needs and you’ll create a strong foundation. You’ll begin to recognise when you’re saying ‘yes’ because you’re depleted, cold, tired, hungry, thirsty or sexually unfulfilled, and when you’re saying yes because yes is what you truly feel.
- Safety: Our vigilant brain is the part of the brain that registers a threat and prompts us to say ‘yes’ to keep us from harm. Human beings have a natural desire for a predictable, orderly world. Having a daily routine like a morning walk or an evening meditation is a great way to create stability. Meet these needs and your ‘yes’ will be grounded in safety.
- Belonging: Humans are tribal beings. The need for togetherness is probably one of the most important and least met needs in the world today. Create healthy friendships. Engage in group activities that are meaningful to you. Meet this need and your yes will no longer come from a fear of being abandoned. Instead, yes will boost your feeling of belonging.
- Self-Esteem: A healthy sense of self is essential to being and becoming who we’re meant to be. When our self-esteem is low, we say ‘yes’ to gain approval. When self-esteem is high, we align with our core values no matter what. Know your core values, make a list.
- The Peak: Be truly you. That’s when your yes to others matches the yes you feel inside.
How To Say No
- The Basics: Fill your own cup. If you’ve had enough sleep, food, water and sex, chances are you’ll be more in touch with your natural generosity. You’ll be alert, relaxed, open and present, this in itself is a gift. Turn toward the person you’re saying no to, put both feet on the ground, relax your body, feel your generosity and say ‘no’.
- Safety: Pace yourself. Create a pace in all your relationships that makes it possible for you to maintain connection with yourself and with the other. Create emotional stability and safety for yourself and this will translate as emotional stability and safety for the other when you say ‘no’.
- Belonging: Be tribal. When we’re afraid to say no, we disappear and abandon the other person emotionally. Stay connected to your own heart. Stay emotionally connected to the other. Build a bridge of togetherness when you say ‘no’.
- Self-Esteem: Share your values. Believe in yourself. Believe in the other person. You are resilient! They are resilient! Self-acceptance makes you trustable and compassionate. Open your heart, be respectful, say ‘no’.
- The Peak: You are incredibly you. When you have fulfilled all your needs and you are consistently being and becoming who you are meant to be, your no is as positive as your yes.
Dawn Cartwright is a Tantric visionary, sacred writer, world traveler, and innovator in bio-energetic Tantra fusion. You’re invited to join her in 2019 for The Red Tent: Women’s Sacred Sexuality, April 12th – 14th, Be Fully Alive: Level 1 Tantra Immersion, April 26th – 28th, in the Wicklow Mountains and Weaving the Beloveds: Couples Tantra Retreat, May 3rd – 6th, in Lower Rosses, Sligo.
In our Autumn 2018 issue, eight of our readers shared with us what their relationships have meant to them. This season, it’s all about the bonds of love! You can pick up a copy of the magazine at our stockists across the country, or subscribe here to receive a copy direct to your door.
SPIRITUALITY & THE CITY
THE BONDS OF LOVE
Liz Lynch & Ciara O’Neill (couple)
It is hard to put into words how I feel about this wonderful woman. She is full of life, love and laughter. Ciara and I share a quirky sense of humour and I know that with her, I can always be fully myself, no matter how silly that is.
Ciara has great empathy for other people’s worries. I am lucky that she has made it her mission in life to take care of me. Ever since I started dating Ciara, I have felt enveloped by her boundless love and I hope she feels the same from me.
Ciara is very modest and doesn’t seem to know how wonderful she is. Her smile lights up a room and her laughter is infectious. I feel blessed every day knowing she is my wife.
My wedding day was the happiest day of my life. I am so grateful to everybody who campaigned for marriage equality, and of course the wonderful Irish people who voted yes to love on that magical day in May 2015.
What I love most about Liz is her caring and compassionate nature. There is nothing she wouldn’t do for the people she loves.
Liz is the funniest person I have ever met and she makes me laugh every day. Meeting Liz is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She is my best friend and favourite person in the whole world. I know that she believes in me and loves me unconditionally, and that is the best feeling in the world.
Martin & Magda Janik (couple)
Magda is my soulmate. I know it isn’t our first life together: we have loved each other many times before. Her calmness, her beauty, her love and the amazingly multi-dimensional depth of her being makes each life so worth living. I had a dream about Magda after I saw her for the first or second time, and after that dream, I knew she was the one. We were 16 and 17 at that time. This year was our 25th anniversary of being a couple and our 20th wedding anniversary. Magda stands by me during our happiest and most challenging moments and I love her to bits. She is an amazing mum to our daughter Pola, who we both absolutely adore.
I love Martin: my husband and my best friend. Martin is warm, loving, kind and funny. He has a great passion for life and energy that always amazes me. He is intelligent, creative, and always eager to learn and experience new things, which makes our journey together very interesting. We always know what each other is thinking without saying a single word. Martin makes me feel loved every day and I love him for that. He is also a fantastic father to our daughter Pola, who adores him.
This year is very special for us as we are celebrating 25 years together and the 20th anniversary of our wedding. I am grateful for each of those years and excited about all the years to come.
Dave Weakley & Sara Weis (father and daughter)
My dad is a great person: very kind, hilariously funny and super talented as well. He is a wonderful human being. Because we both work in the field of music, we have a lot in common. I’ve learned a huge amount from him. His advice is very valuable to me. Music is such a difficult profession, it’s great to have people around you who understand that and who can be supportive. Both of my parents are hugely supportive – they both work in the arts – and they are wonderful. My dad is my inspiration. We have great craic together, and he’s just the best dad I could ever have asked for. His experience of getting out there and putting himself before an audience taught me how to be brave.
Sara is so talented. From a very early age, she always showed promise and excellence at singing and acting, and this promise has really borne fruit over the last few months. She recently began to put herself out there and start singing … and she is absolutely marvellous. I could go on forever about my tremendous admiration for her!
I’m incredibly proud of her. I know parents are supposed to be the role model for their children, but she is more of a role model for me. I’m a musician myself, and I derive a lot of joy from listening to her and watching her while she is performing.
Livia Devi & Carolyne Marks (friends)
Carolyne and I share a sacred space of beautiful heart-connection, love, joy, respect and appreciation. Her wisdom and life experience always guide me on my path. Her teachings about love, life and relationships have helped me to grow and evolve. We always have so much fun and laugher when we meet, enjoying life to the full!Her presence in my life is a like a warm ocean breeze on a summer day. The stillness, flow and richness of our connection its so cherished!
I am truly honored and grateful to have you as a friend, Carolyne.
My name is Carolyne and I am very fortunate! Why? I have a beautiful friend and her name is Livia. Yes, she is physically beautiful, no doubt about that: however, what I am referring to with the word ‘beautiful’ goes far beyond that superficial perspective. You see, as within, so without. My friend is beautiful in Soul. When we are together, there is simply harmony, peace and so much joy. At times, we have very deep, fulfilling and meaningful conversations and I love to grow with her this way, as well as simply sitting in silence and connecting on a very different level at other times. When out and about, we like similar things, laugh about the same nonsense and appreciate the world and nature with all our hearts. Being able to share this love of life with someone is a great treasure and a special gift.