Our spring issue is out now. Our regular contributor Margot Tubbiolo reflects on the empowering freedom that we can gain from early experiences of loss, such as our first heartbreak. Dive on in to learn more…
As One Door Closes, Another Opens
Freedom – “The Power To Speak, Act And Think As One Wants”
by Margot Tubbiolo
I’ve realised something about freedom from this definition. My revelation of the week is that sometimes a loss helps to
gain freedom. Whether we are aware of it or not, we change certain behaviours around certain people. For some people it’s difficult to be as “one wants”, because we’re trying to be what everyone else wants.
These articles that I write have been a way for me to translate teenage experiences into words. It’s sometimes hard to do because we know the mind of a teenager can be confusing. One of the most confusing times in a young person’s life is your first heartbreak. However, I want to give my thoughts on heartbreak that will hopefully put that hurt into perspective. I want to talk about heartbreak and how that often makes people feel liberated.
When we are young, we already worry about other people’s perceptions of us. That amplifies in a relationship, and we become absorbed with how our partner sees us. A loss can sometimes be good, it’s the chance to start over. A moment of peace to think about what you want. It’s a time of self-reflection that can turn into becoming who you truly are. You’re not thinking about someone else’s opinion of you, because there’s no attachment there anymore. “Will they like my hair?”, “Will they get bored of me?”, “Will they tell me I’m beautiful today?”. When you go through your first heartbreak, all these questions you once directed towards someone else, deflect back onto you. Now you’re asking yourself those questions because you’re the top priority.
Now this is not me saying relationships are bad, it’s an observation of how something as seemingly negative as heartbreak can be turned on its head. The trick is to give that to yourself. However, I don’t want anyone to take that as hyper independence. We need connections, it’s nice to lean on someone, but don’t let the actions of one person become your only source of positivity. You are that within yourself. The trick to moving forward is to give yourself everything you want. Then if someone else wants to give you extra love, that’s amazing.
It’s important that this person is someone who understands you. They see you for what you are, so you’re not left trying to please once more. Understanding and acceptance is a priority in love. You need to understand yourself; that way you can attract a person that accepts you. You are seen and known once you work on the energy around you. People feed off your self-worth. They will sometimes treat you in accordance with that worth – if you don’t have any, people will treat you like you’re not worth anything. Change that cycle. Don’t be a giver and accept nothing in return. Relationships are somewhat transactional, and you deserve that love in return.
Once again freedom comes from loss. You can lose yourself, and the beauty of this is that is you get to start over and build back up again.