Tantra writer and educator Dawn Cartwright is one of our much-loved regular collaborators, and we greatly enjoyed her piece in our Winter 2020/21 issue, on ‘the low roar and whisper’ of our bodies. Check it out below!
The Low Roar and Whisper of Your Body
A Lover’s Guide to Sexual Sovereignty
by Dawn Cartwright
Stronger than the morals and expectations imposed upon them, obedient only to the low roar and whisper of their bodies (and the simple ecstasies of their senses). They are men and women unto themselves.
~ Dawn Cartwright ~
What does it mean to be true to oneself? To be sovereign of heart, body and sex? How do we become clear about who we are as lovers and shower our lives with that truth?
First Things First: What Is Sovereignty, Exactly?
The concept of sovereignty was first introduced between AD 211 and 222 by Roman jurist, Ulpian, one of the great legal minds of the time. Sovereignty, in this case, meant absolute power of the emperor. Which translates to: there is one power and everyone must live in accordance with that power.
More than 1,500 years later the term was redefined. In 1859, classical liberal John Stuart Mill, stated, “over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign.” This means that every individual has the right to live in accordance with their own true power. Everyone has the power to be and live and think as they wish.
You’re probably wondering . . . how does this translate to sexuality?
You are the Emperor of Your Sexual Experience
To live in accordance with our own sexual power is to be sexually sovereign. This brings us two questions. How do we get in touch with the sovereign sexual beings we are? And how do we become the emperor of our own sexual experience?
1. Create the time and space to be silent at least once each day. We all have busy lives and we are constantly taking in information. We are flooded with others’ beliefs and ideas all day long. Turn your attention inward and let go of doing. Be silent in your room, in the bath, by the fire, in the forest, by a river. No distractions. Just be. Take some time to be with the sovereign being in you.
2. Listen to your body and notice how it feels. Take a few breaths and settle into the place where you’re sitting. Scan your body for sensation. What do you notice? What do you feel? What does your body want, really want, right now? To stretch? Take a walk? Do some yoga? Have a bath? Make some tea? Take a few minutes, now, to tune in, then give your body what it desires. Go on . . . I’ll wait . . .
3. Awaken your arousal. All it takes is a little attention and some willingness to awaken the sexual fire. Relax your face, your lower belly and your inner thighs. Bring your attention to your sex. Feel the warmth, the buzz, the subtle feelings of arousal? Relax a bit more. Create space around those feelings and they’ll intensify . . . I promise. Open to your sexual energy. How does it feel?
4. Meet the emperor within you. When you create time and space for silence, when you release outside beliefs and tune in to your body, when you meet your sexual arousal and embrace what you feel, you have discovered your sexual sovereignty. Your unique sexual energy. The emperor within. The starting point for sexual exploration.
A Lover’s Guide to Sexual Sovereignty
Sovereignty is amplified in relationship. Each partner has sovereignty over themselves, their bodies and their minds. They are two complete human beings choosing to bring their fullest selves to their sexual experience, rather than feelings of obligation or disappointment.
1. Nourish your inner lover. It’s natural for two lovers to entrain with one another over time. We give up our desires and stop expressing ourselves freely in bed. We lose our uniqueness. To stay awake and alive and true to ourselves, to continuously bring our best selves to our lover, it is helpful to continue to establish, every day, who we are as individuals. Knowing who we are and what we need makes it possible for us to create magnetism and attraction with our lover. To feel excited and curious about their sexual feelings, without losing ourselves. Sit silently, listen to your body, awaken your arousal and meet the emperor within each day.
4. Express yourself. All the way back in Roman times and fast forward to today, there’s really no way to experience sovereignty in relationship without expression. Now, this expression can be verbal . . . sharing the details of your inner journey in sex with your lover . . . or sensory . . . moving your body just the way you like to, to feel closer and more electric with the one you love.
5. Be curious and encouraging. Your partner is a unique being with unique desires and needs. This is their sovereignty. You are also unique and sovereign. The most beautiful aspect of sovereignty is to be one and together. To choose, from a sovereign seat, to explore the uniqueness your partner brings. Explore new sensations and experiences. Share new feelings and expressions. The key is to choose. Choose to go beyond what’s familiar. Choose to explore. Choose to be honest. Choose to say yes, and say no. Choose to trust the low roar and whisper of each other’s bodies.
Dawn Cartwright is a Neo Tantra visionary, sacred writer, world traveler, and innovator in authentic lovemaking and Neo Tantra fusion.