We always love reading articles from our resident Tantra columnist, Dawn Cartwright. Dawn is a genius when it comes to discussing how we can bring more tenderness, presence and love into our intimate lives. In our Summer 2021, she wrote about transcendent sex. Enjoy her wise words below!
Experience new levels of ecstasy
by Dawn Cartwright
If you’ve ever been curious about transcendence, look no further than your very own bedroom. Sex is, according to many, the most transcendent of all human experiences. And NeoTantra is filled with euphoric wisdom, sure to take your love making (alone or with your partner) to new heights.
Five Steps to Transcendent Sex
Step 1: De-Stress
Stress is one of the biggest blocks to transcendent sex – and it’s something we all have control over, even if we think we don’t. Work deadlines, politics, neighbours, loneliness … there are lots of things to feel stressed about. De-stressing takes a bit of focus and discipline.
• Schedule transcendent sex time. We know sex is good for us. We know sex improves our quality of life and relationships. Yet we don’t make time for it, meaning that we often end up with functional sex (gets the job done) rather than tripping-the-light transcendent. Schedule bedtime one hour earlier – starting tonight.
• Stop working at a set time each day. If you’re like most, you push yourself to work way too many hours, doing your best to stay ahead. It’s been proven that we are much less productive when we push ourselves. Decide what time you’re going to stop working each day, and stick to it.
• Make your bedroom a stress-free zone. This means moving the television, laptop and laundry out of the bedroom. You’ll be amazed by how quickly you begin to feel more passion and desire.
Step 2: Transcendent Touch
Now that you’ve created the time, stopped letting work spill over into every moment of your life, and cleared out your bedroom, you’re ready to explore touch. And not just any kind of touch, but transcendent touch – touch that takes you over and gets you out of your thoughts.
• Transcendent touch is every kind of touch. It’s soft, feathery, warm, strong, deep, intense and soothing. It’s everything. When you are with your partner, notice whether you’re always touching one another in one way, and see how it feels to explore different types of touch.
• Touch … but not too much. Our attention refocuses about every eight seconds. This means we are feeling and receiving sensation in frames, almost like a movie film. Touch, then move your hand away, touch, then move your body away just a bit.
• Try the full body touch. Hugging is one of the most transcendent ways to touch. Notice how you feel when you hug a little longer: perhaps 20-30 seconds, which is the amount of time it takes for oxytocin to be released into the bloodstream.
Step 3: Mystery & Novelty
So far, in pursuit of transcendent sex, you’ve let go of stress and explored new ways of touch. Now, you’ll create some mystery. When novelty and mystery are a part of your lovemaking experience, a chain reaction happens in the body, causing you to become more focused on pleasure and more likely to feel desire.
• Make love in the morning, at noon, or in the middle of the night. To up the mystery and novelty in your sex life, try making love at different times of the day or night. The sex hormones in our bodies fluctuate quite a bit around the clock, and you might just find yourselves feeling particularly transcendent at a time you never expected.
• Make love outside, in the shower, sitting down and standing up. Instead of having sex in that one place (the bed) or in one position (missionary), try something new and give yourself time to explore. The genitals have thousands of pleasure zones, accessed through a variety of positions and environments.
• Bring in a fresh new scent. Experiment with essential oil blends applied to the wrists, the backs of the knees, or the nape of the neck. Scent is our most direct connection, making the transcendent impact immediate. Some potent essential oils to explore include ylang ylang and cedar.
Step 4: Move Your Body
Bedroom oasis, check. Tantalising touch, check. Novelty and mystery, check. Next up, move your body. Moving your body unleashes a cascade of transcendent hormones. These hormones wake you up, make you feel alive, and increase your body’s ability to feel aroused.
• Try partner yoga. Partner yoga is almost perfect, because of the way it gets your bodies moving AND amplifies attraction. Search for some partner yoga on YouTube, and the two of you will be transcendent in minutes.
• Create a dance playlist you both love. Okay, you might feel silly at first, but believe me, once the two of you get dancing and let go, the energy will grab you and take you away.
• Walk a hill or two. Fresh air, a brisk pace and the one you adore make this an ideal way to amplify the transcendent goodness in your bedroom.
Step 5: Be Kind
And last, but certainly not least, to experience truly transcendent sex, you must be kind. Be kind to one another, listen, respond, accept and bond. The connection you share is your first class ticket to transcendence.
Dawn Cartwright is a Neo Tantra visionary, sacred writer, world traveler, and innovator in authentic lovemaking and Neo Tantra fusion.